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You’re Not a Bad Mom, It’s Just Our Outdated Societal Construct

mother laying on the couch exhausted as baby plays

Join author and podcaster Anna Cusack as she shares her views on why the traditional structure of our society makes parenting – and mothering – that much more challenging. Layer on a global pandemic, and it’s no wonder most mothers are feeling stress and burnout.

037 | Anna Cusack, Postpartum Doula, and Author

Anna Cusack is a postpartum doula and motherhood support mentor, guiding new and experienced parents through pregnancy, the fourth trimester, and beyond.

Anna combines her knowledge in traditional postpartum care, breastfeeding support, motherhood studies, and exercise physiology to help mothers and parents feel heard, seen, and supported through the highs, lows, and sticking points of their child-raising journeys.

How society is constantly at war with mothers

There is no real training for parents to break away from traditional parenting. There is a biological factor that is set in stone from previous generations. The gendered nature gets locked in, making it difficult to step away from.

So many factors come into play for mothers, including workload, both inside and outside the home, lack of time, sleep, and mental capacity. A mother’s workload doubles with each child and is usually unsupported throughout her day-to-day if the partner works outside the home.

As much as this can feel isolating and personal, it is a social norm, and everyone is effected by it.

Why do I feel like a bad mom?

Harder things, higher intensity. Mothers often experience increased sleep deprivation, resulting in irrational or irritable behavior. When this happens, we lash out at the ones we feel comfortable with, our partners and our children.

Having these feelings of anger and resentment and reflecting on your actions can cause incredible guilt for a mother, resulting in feeling inadequate and believing that you are an unfit or unworthy parent.

Break through the guilt of being all the things for all people all the time.”

What do you do when you feel like a bad mother?

Create opportunities to discuss how you and your partner can support each other. A space where you can both talk and find a way to help alleviate these feelings without disruptions is important.

Making a list of what you each do and talking about what you can each do to give each other support that they need is a great way to get started.

Communicate how these things are making you feel, even if they are small, silly things, and specify how you would like them to help to reduce overwhelm, anger and guilt.

Topics covered

Socialized and gendered nature of modern society (2:17)

24 minutes with dad (13:17)

See Also
mom kissing her newborn baby in a hospital gown postpartum

How to overcome the outdated way of thinking (19:09)

Good, calm, peaceful mom (26:24)

Drop guilt and remove overwhelm (30:56)

An amplification of early motherhood (41:50)

Final question (45:05)


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