Six Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming A Stay-At-Home Mom

One new mom shares her vulnerable discoveries about becoming a stay-at-home mom and how it changed her life for good.

I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. It was my career goal. It was my corporate ladder. To me, being a stay-at-home mom would be like becoming a CEO.

And yet, I was surprised at the reality of staying home.

I was surprised at the times I felt envious that my husband got to go to work in the “real world.” I was astonished at how unseen and unknown I felt.

And I don’t think these things are exclusive to staying home. Being a first-time mom, in general, is life-altering. For me, it felt like I had to simultaneously adjust to motherhood and to being home. It was a lot to take in.

Here are a few things I wish I had known.

What to know about being a stay-at-home-mom

It’s often lonely
Your marriage will change
There is no escape
Emotions exist in duality
You’ll begin to find yourself
It’s all worth it in the end

1. It’s often lonely

I am an extrovert. One time I took a personality test and got 97% extrovert.

Before having my daughter, the best part of my job was the people I got to work with. I never applied to remote jobs. I always wanted to be around others.

I wish I had known before becoming a stay-at-home mom that I would be lonely in a way I never had been before.

The difference between loneliness in the first semester of college and loneliness as a stay-at-home mom is that the latter feels permanent. There is no upcoming Christmas break. There is no break at all. And when you don’t know who or where to find “mom friends,” it begins to feel a bit hopeless.

Contrary to what I expected, finding a mom at a park on a random Tuesday and turning into besties is like getting struck by lightning. It’s rare.

Sometimes when I see a mom pushing a stroller through my neighborhood, I get the urge to run outside and yell, “Hey! I am here too! We should do this motherhood thing together.” I am yet to do this, but only time will tell how long until I am desperate enough to try it.

2. Your marriage will change

I wish I had known before becoming a stay-at-home mom that my marriage would change, not in a wrong way but in a significant way.

Becoming parents brought us entirely new roles and our upbringings began to play a more significant role than I anticipated. It is hard to discuss expectations when you don’t know what to expect.

I wish I had known it would take time, grace, and communication for my husband and I to figure out, as new parents, what works for our family and marriage.

3. There is no escape

I wish I had known the constancy of being a stay-at-home mom.

It isn’t easy to feel like your work is never done. There is no lunch break or clocking out, or leaving the office. No sick days even if you’re sick.

Sometimes it can play games with your mind. You feel like you’re going a little crazy. There are blurred lines between being done for the day and constantly being on.

I didn’t know how to allow my work as a stay-at-home mom to end and be shared by my husband when he got home.

4. Emotions exist in duality

I wish I had known before staying home that grief and gratefulness could coexist – and there was nothing to feel guilty about.

I was surprised to find myself struggling with being home during those first few months postpartum, and I felt guilty for feeling a sense of loss while simultaneously feeling like I had gained the whole world in my daughter.

I wish I had given myself more grace to process the transition and change. Grief for what used to be (my life before staying home) does not equal regret for what is (my daughter and my life at home with her).

5. You’ll start finding yourself

I wish I had known how long it would take me to adjust to my new role as a stay-at-home mom.

Honestly, I’m not there yet.

Sometimes I still struggle with believing what I am doing is significant. I feel like I have to prove that being home is hard work.

I have read many articles and seen many Instagram posts about finding yourself as a mom. It takes time, and you aren’t the person you were before, but it is good.

I’m still waiting to get there, but every month has brought me new confidence and assurance in my actions and who I am becoming.

6. It’s all worth it in the end

I wish I had known how rewarding being a stay-at-home mom would be. And not in a flashy way but in small, subtle ways.

Meet the Woman Behind In Kind Boxes

Like when I watch my daughter learn or discover something new.

When I hold her all day when she is sick.

When I start a garden, I learn new recipes and get to know my neighbors.

When I have a built-in grocery store buddy.

When I see her biggest smiles after every nap.

It’s a learning curve, but I wouldn’t want to be elsewhere.

Final thoughts on being a stay-at-home mom

I am beyond grateful to stay home.

I am learning that just because something is hard isn’t bad.

It is difficult to be unsure of how things will work out or if they will work out at all. It would have been nice to know a few things before I stayed home so I could have prepared my heart and mind. But, when it is all said and done, being a stay-at-home mom is my greatest blessing and honor.

I hope you feel seen and understood if you are a new stay-at-home mom struggling.

Don’t forget that what you are doing matters.

Your work at home is significant.

You are significant.